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THE SOULLESS.
In his room, Walter threw himself in a chair, and sat without thinking,
for the mental presence of Lufa was hardly thought Gradually Sefton's
story revived, and for a time displaced the image of Lufa. It was the
first immediately authenticated ghost-narration he had ever heard. His
fancy alone had hitherto been attracted by such tales; but this brought
him close to things of import as profound as marvelous. He began to
wonder how he was likely to carry himself in such an interview. Courage
such as Mr. Sefton's he dared not claim--any more than hope for the
distinction of ever putting his hand through a ghost! To be sure, the
question philosophically considered, Sefton could have done no such
thing; but where no relations existed, he reasoned, or rather assumed,
the one could not be materially present to the other; a fortiori there
could be no passing of the one through the other! Where the ghost was,
the hand was; both existed in the same space at the same time; therefore
the one did not penetrate the other! The ghost, he held, never saw
Sefton, knew or thought of his presence, or was aware of any intrusive
outrage from his hand! He shrunk none the less, however, from such
phantasmic presence as Sefton had described; a man's philosophy made but
a fool of him when it came to the pinch! He would indeed like to see a
ghost, but not to be alone with one!
Here came back to him a certain look in Lufa's face, which he had not
understood: was it possible she knew something about the thing? Could
this be the house where it took place, where the ghost appeared? The
room in which he sat was very old! the pictures in it none but for their
age would hang up on any wall! And the bed was huger and gloomier than
he had ever elsewhere seen! It was on the second-floor too! What if this
was the very room the officer slept in!
He must run into port, find shelter from the terrors of the shoreless
sea of the unknown! But all the harbor he could seek, was bed and closed
eyes! The dark is a strange refuge from the darkness--yet that which
most men seek. It is so dark! let us go further from the light! Thus
deeper they go, and come upon greater terrors! He undressed hurriedly,
blew out his candles, and by the light of the fire, glowing rather than
blazing, plunged into the expanse which glimmered before him like a lake
of sleep in the moonshine of dreams.
The moment he laid down his head, he became aware of what seemed
unnatural stillness. Throughout the evening a strong wind had been
blowing about the house; it had ceased, and without having noted the
tumult, he was now aware of the calm. But what made him so cold? The
surface of the linen was like a film of ice! He rolled himself round,
and like a hedge-hog sought shelter within the circumference of his own
person. But he could not get warm, lie close as he might to his own
door; there was no admittance! Had the room turned suddenly cold? Could
it be that the ghost was near, making the air like that of the sepulcher
from which she had issued? for such ghosts as walk the world at night,
what refuge so fit as their tombs in the day-time! The thought was a
worse horror than he had known himself capable of feeling. He shivered
with the cold. It seemed to pierce to his very bones. A strange and
hideous constriction seized the muscles of his neck and throat; had not
Sefton described the sensation? Was it not a sure sign of ghostly
presence?
How much longer he could have endured, or what would have been the
result of the prolongation of his suffering, I can not tell. Molly would
have found immediate refuge with Him to whom belong all the ghosts
wherever they roam or rest--with Him who can deliver from the terrors of
the night as well as from the perplexities of the day; but Walter felt
his lonely being exposed on all sides.
The handle of the door moved. I am not sure whether ghosts always enter
and leave a room in silence, but the sound horribly shook Walter's
nerves, and nearly made an end of him for a time. But a voice said, "May
I come in?" What he answered or whether he answered, Walter could not
have told, but his terror subsided. The door opened wider, some one
entered, closed it softly, and approached the bed through the dull
fire-light. "I did not think you would be in bed!" said the voice, which
Walter now knew for Sefton's; "but at the risk of waking you, even of
giving you a sleepless night, I must have a little talk with you!"
"I shall be glad," answered Walter.
Sefton little thought how welcome was his visit!
But he was come to do him a service for which he could hardly at once be
grateful. The best things done for any are generally those for which
they are at the moment least grateful; it needs the result of the
service to make them able to prize it.
Walter thought he had more of the story to tell--something he had not
chosen to talk of to the ladies.
Sefton stood, and for a few moments there was silence. He seemed to be
meditating, yet looked like one who wanted to light his cigar.
"Won't you take a seat?" said Walter.
"Thank you!" returned Sefton, and sat on the bed.
"I am twenty-seven," he said at length. "How old are you?"
"Twenty-three," answered Walter.
"When I was twenty-three, I knew ever so much more than I do now! I'm
not half so sure about things as I was. I wonder if you will find it
so!"
"I hope I shall--otherwise I sha'n't have got on."
"Well, now, couldn't you just--why not?--forestall your experience by
making use of mine? I'm talking like a fool, I know, but never mind; it
is the more genuine. Look here, Mr. Colman! I like you, and believe you
will one day be something more than a gentleman. There, that won't do!
What's my opinion, good or bad, to you? Listen to me anyhow: you're on
the wrong tack here, old boy!"
"I'm sorry I don't understand you," said Walter.
"Naturally not; how could you? I will explain."
"Please. Don't mind me. I shall do my best not to be offended."
"That is more than I should have presumed to ask." Again a brief silence
followed.
"You heard my story about the ghost?" said Sefton.
"I was on the point of asking you if I might tell it in print!"
"You may do what you like with it, except the other fellow's part."
"Thank you. But I wish you would tell me what you meant by that other
more fearful--apparition--or what did you call it? Were you alluding to
the vampire?"
"No. There are live women worse than vampires. Scared as I confess I
was, I would rather meet ten such ghosts as I told you of, than another
woman such as I mean. I know one, and she's enough. By the time you had
seen ten ghosts you would have got used to them, and found there was no
danger from them; but a woman without a soul will devour any number of
men. You see she's all room inside! Look here! I must be open with you:
tell me you are not in love with my cousin Lufa, and I will bid you
good-night"
"I am so much in love with her, that I dare not think what may come of
it," replied Walter.
"Then for God's sake tell her, and have done with it! Anything will be
better than going on like this. I will not say what Lufa is; indeed I
don't know what name would at all fit her! You think me a queer, dry,
odd sort of a customer: I was different when I fell in love with Lufa.
She is older than you think her, though not so old as I am. I kept
saying to myself she was hardly a woman yet; I must give her time. I was
better brought up than she; I thought things of consequence that she
thought of none. I hadn't a stupid ordinary mother like hers. She's my
second cousin. She took my love-making, never drew me on, never pushed
me back; never refused my love, never returned it. Whatever I did or
said, she seemed content. She was always writing poetry. 'But where's
her own poetry?' I would say to myself. I was always trying to get
nearer to what I admired; she never seemed to suspect the least relation
between the ideal and life, between thought and action. To have an ideal
implied no aspiration after it! She has not a thought of the smallest
obligation to carry out one of the fine things she writes of, any more
than people that go to church think they have anything to do with what
they hear there. Most people's nature seems all in pieces. They wear and
change their moods as they wear and change their dresses. Their moods
make them, and not they their moods. They are different with every
different mood. But Lufa seems never to change, and yet never to be in
one and the same mood. She is always in two moods, and the one mood has
nothing to do with the other. The one mood never influences, never
modifies the other. They run side by side and do not mingle. The one
mood is enthusiasm for what is not, the other indifference to what is.
She has not the faintest desire to make what is not into what is.
For love, I believe all she knows about it is, that it is a fine thing
to be loved. She loves nobody but her mother, and her only after a
fashion. I had my leg broken in the hunting-field once; my horse got up
and galloped off; I lay still. She saw what had happened, and went after
the hounds. She said she could do no good; Doctor Black was in the
field, and she went to find him. She didn't find him, and he didn't
come. I believe she forgot. But it's worth telling you, though it has
nothing to do with her, that I wasn't forgot. Old Truefoot went straight
home, and kept wheeling and tearing up and down before the windows, but,
till his own groom came, would let no one touch him. Then when he would
have led him to the stable, he set his forefeet out in front of him, and
wouldn't budge. The groom got on his back, but was scarce in the saddle
when Truefoot was oft in a bee-line over everything to where I was
lying. There's a horse for you! And there's a woman! I'm telling you all
this, mind, not to blame her, but to warn you. Whether she is to blame
or not, I don't know; I don't understand her.
"I was free to come and go, and say what I pleased, for both families
favored the match. She never objected; never said she would not have me;
said she liked me as well as any other. In a word she would have married
me, if I would have taken her. There are men, I believe, who would make
the best of such a consent, saying they were so in love with the woman
they would rejoice to take her on any terms: I don't understand that
sort of love! I would as soon think of marrying a woman I hated as a
woman that did not love me. I know no reason why any woman should love
me, and if no woman can find any, I most go alone. Lufa has found none
yet, and life and love too seem to have gone out of me waiting. If you
ask me why I do not give it all up, I have no answer. You will say for
Lufa, it is only that the right man is not come! It may be so; but I
believe there is more than that in it. I fear she is all outside. It is
true her poetry is even passionate sometimes; but I suspect all her
inspiration comes of the poetry she reads, not of the nature or human
nature around her; it comes of ambition, not of love. I don't know much
about verse, but to me there is an air of artificiality about all hers.
I can not understand how you could praise her long poem so much--if you
were in love with her. She has grown to me like the ghost I told you of.
I put out my hand to her, and it goes through her. It makes me feel dead
myself to be with her. I wonder sometimes how it would be if suddenly
she said she loved me. Should I love her, or should we have changed
parts? She is very dainty--very lady-like--but womanly! At one time--and
for this I am now punished--the ambition to wake love in her had no
small part in my feeling toward her--ambition to be the first and only
man so to move her: despair has long cured me of that; but not before I
had come to love her in a way I can not now understand. Why I should
love her I can not tell; and were it not that I scorn to marry her
without love, I should despise my very love. You are thinking, 'Well
then, the way is clear for me!' It is; I only want to prepare you for
what I am confident will follow: you will have the heart taken out of
you! That you are poor will be little obstacle if she loves you. She is
the heiress, and can do much as she pleases. If she were in love, she
would be obstinate. It must be in her somewhere, you will say, else how
could she write as she does? But, I say again, look at the multitudes
that go to church, and communicate, with whose being religion has no
more to do than with that of Satan! I've said my say. Good-night!"
He rose, and stood.
He had not uttered the depth of what he feared concerning Lufa--that she
was simply, unobtrusively, unconsciously, absolutely selfish.
Walter had listened with a beating heart, now full of hope that he was
to be Hildebrand to this Undine, now sick with the conviction that he
was destined to fare no better than Sefton.
"Let me have my say before you go," he protested. "It will sound as
presumptuous in your ears as it does in mine--but what is to be done
except put the thing to the question?"
"There is nothing else. That is all I want. You must not go on like
this. It is sucking the life out of you. I can't bear to see it. Pray do
not misunderstand me."
"That is impossible," returned Walter.
Not a wink did he sleep that night. But ever and again across his
anxiety, throughout the dark hours, came the flattering thought that she
had never loved man yet, and he was teaching her to love. He did not
doubt Sefton, but Sefton might be right only for himself.
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