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THE SUMMONS.
Next morning the post brought me the following letter from my uncle.
Whoever of my readers may care to enter into my feelings as I read, must
imagine them for herself: I will not attempt to describe them. The letter
was not easy to read, as it was written in bed, and with his left hand.
"My little one,--I think I know more than you imagine. I think the secret
flew into your heart of itself; you did not take it up and put it there.
I think you tried to drive it out, and it would not go: the same Fate
that clips the thread of life, had clipped its wings that it could fly no
more! Did my little one think I had not a heart big enough to hold her
secret? I wish it had not been so: it has made her suffer! I pray my
little one to be sure that I am all on her side; that my will is to do
and contrive the best for her that lies in my power. Should I be unable
to do what she would like, she must yet believe me true to her as to my
God, less than whom only I love her:--less, because God is so much
bigger, that so much more love will hang upon him. I love you, dear, more
than any other creature except one, and that one is not in this world. Be
sure that, whatever it may cost me, I will be to you what your own
perfected soul will approve. Not to do my best for you, would be to be
false, not to God only, but to your father as well, whom I loved and love
dearly. Come to me, my child, and tell me all. I know you have done
nothing wrong, nothing to be ashamed of. Some things are so difficult to
tell, that it needs help to make way for them: I will help you. I am
better. Come to me at once, and we will break the creature's shell
together, and see what it is like, the shy thing!--Your uncle."
I was so eager to go to him, that it was with difficulty I finished his
letter before starting. Death had been sent home, and was in the stable,
sorely missing his master. I called Dick, and told him to get ready to
ride with me to Wittenage; he must take Thanatos, and be at the door with
Zoe in twenty minutes.
We started. As we left the gate, I caught sight of John coming from the
other direction, his eyes on the ground, lost in meditation. I stopped.
He looked up, saw me, and was at my side in two moments.
"I have heard from my uncle," I said. "He wants me. I am going to him."
"If only I had my horse!" he answered.
"Why shouldn't you take Thanatos?" I rejoined.
"No," he answered, after a moment's hesitation.
"It would be an impertinence. I will walk, and perhaps see you there.
It's only sixteen miles, I think.--What a splendid creature he is!"
"He's getting into years now," I replied; "but he has been in the stable
several days, and I am doubtful whether Dick will feel quite at home on
him."
"Then your uncle would rather I rode him! He knows I am no tailor!" said
John.
"How?" I asked.
"I don't mean he knows who I am, but he saw me a fortnight ago, in one of
our fields, giving Leander, who is but three, a lesson or two. He stopped
and looked on for a good many minutes, and said a kind word about my
handling of the horse. He will remember, I am sure."
"How glad I am he knows something of you! If you don't mind being seen
with me, then, there is no reason why you should not give me your
escort."
Dick was not sorry to dismount, and we rode away together.
I was glad of this for one definite reason, as well as many indefinite: I
wanted John to see my letter, and know what cause I had to love my uncle.
I forgot for the moment my resolution not to meet him again before
telling my uncle everything. Somehow he seemed to be going with me to
receive my uncle's approval.
He read the letter, old Death carrying him all the time as gently as he
carried myself--I often rode him now--and returned it with the tears in
his eyes. For a moment or two he did not speak. Then he said in a very
solemn way,
"I see! I oughtn't to have a chance if he be against me! I understand now
why I could not get you to promise!--All right! The Lord have mercy upon
me!"
"That he will! He is always having mercy upon us!" I answered, loving
John and my uncle and God more than ever. I loved John for this
especially, at the moment--that his nature remained uninjured toward
others by his distrust of her who should have had the first claim on his
confidence. I said to myself that, if a man had a bad mother and yet was
a good man, there could be no limit to the goodness he must come to. That
he was a man after my uncle's own heart, I had no longer the least doubt.
Nor was it a small thing to me that he rode beautifully--never seeming to
heed his horse, and yet in constant touch with him.
We reached the town, and the inn where my uncle was lying. On the road we
had arranged where he would be waiting me to hear what came next. He went
to see the horses put up, and I ran to find Martha. She met me on the
stair, and went straight to my uncle to tell him I was come, returned
almost immediately, and led me to his room.
I was shocked to see how pale and ill he looked. I feared, and was right
in fearing, that anxiety about myself had not a little to do with his
condition. His face brightened when he saw me, but his eyes gazed into
mine with a searching inquiry. His face brightened yet more when he found
his eager look answered by the smile which my perfect satisfaction
inspired. I knelt by the bedside, afraid to touch him lest I should hurt
his arm.
Slowly he laid his left hand on my head, and I knew he blessed me
silently. For a minute or two he lay still.
"Now tell me all about it," he said at length, turning his patient blue
eyes on mine. I began at once, and if I did not tell him all, I let it be
plain there was more of the sort behind, concerning which he might
question me. When I had ended,
"Is that everything?" he asked, with a smile so like all he had ever been
to me, that my whole heart seemed to go out to meet it.
"Yes, uncle," I answered; "I think I may say so--except that I have not
dwelt upon my feelings. Love, they say, is shy; and I fancy you will
pardon me that portion."
"Willingly, my child. More is quite unnecessary."
"Then you know all about it, uncle?" I ventured. "I was afraid you might
not understand me. Could any one, do you think, that had not had the same
experience?"
He made me no answer. I looked up. He was ghastly white; his head had
fallen back against the bed. I started up, hardly smothering a shriek.
"What is it, uncle?" I gasped. "Shall I fetch Martha?"
"No, my child," he answered. "I shall be better in a moment. I am subject
to little attacks of the heart, but they do not mean much. Give me some
of that medicine on the table."
In a few minutes his colour began to return, and the smile which was
forced at first, gradually brightened until it was genuine.
"I will tell you the whole story one day," he said, "--whether in this
world, I am doubtful. But when is nothing, or where, with eternity
before us."
"Yes, uncle," I answered vaguely, as I knelt again by the bedside.
"A person," he said, after a while, slowly, and with hesitating effort,
"may look and feel a much better person at one time than at another.
Upon occasion, he is so happy, or perhaps so well pleased with himself,
that the good in him comes all to the surface."
"Would he be the better or the worse man if it did not, uncle?" I asked.
"You must not get me into a metaphysical discussion, little one," he
answered. "We have something more important on our hands. I want you to
note that, when a person is happy, he may look lovable; whereas, things
going as he does not like, another, and very unfinished phase of his
character may appear."
"Surely everybody must know that, uncle!"
"Then you can hardly expect me to be confident that your new friend would
appear as lovable if he were unhappy!"
"I have seen you, uncle, look as if nothing would ever make you smile
again; but I knew you loved me all the time."
"Did you, my darling? Then you were right. I dare not require of any man
that he should be as good-tempered in trouble as out of it--though he
must come to that at last; but a man must be just, whatever mood he is
in."
"That is what I always knew you to be, uncle! I never waited for a change
in your looks, to tell you anything I wanted to tell you.--I know you,
uncle!" I added, with a glow of still triumph.
"Thank you, little one!" he returned, half playfully, yet gravely. "All I
want to say comes to this," he resumed after a pause, "that when a man is
in love, you see only the best of him, or something better than he really
is. Much good may be in a man, for God made him, and the man yet not be
good, for he has done nothing, since his making, to make himself. Before
you can say you know a man, you must have seen him in a few at least of
his opposite moods. Therefore you cannot wonder that I should desire a
fuller assurance of this young man, than your testimony, founded on an
acquaintance of three or four days, can give me."
"Let me tell you, then, something that happened to-day," I answered.
"When first I asked him to come with me this morning, it was a temptation
to him of course, not knowing when we might see each other again; but he
hadn't his own horse, and said it would be an impertinence to ride
yours."
"I hope you did not come alone!"
"Oh, no. I had set out with Dick, but John came after all."
"Then his refusal to ride my horse does not come to much. It is a small
thing to have good impulses, if temptation is too much for them."
"But I haven't done telling you, uncle!"
"I am hasty, little one. I beg your pardon."
"I have to tell you what made him give in to riding your horse. I
confessed I was a little anxious lest Death, who had not been exercised
for some days, should be too much for Dick. John said then he thought he
might venture, for you had once spoken very kindly to him of the way he
handled his own horse."
"Oh, that's the young fellow, is it!" cried my uncle, in a tone that
could not be taken for other than one of pleasure. "That's the fellow, is
it?" he repeated. "H'm!"
"I hope you liked the look of him, uncle!" I said.
"The boy is a gentleman anyhow!" he answered.--"You may think whether I
was pleased!--I never saw man carry himself better horseward!" he added
with a smile.
"Then you won't object to his riding Death home again?"
"Not in the least!" he replied. "The man can ride."
"And may I go with him?--that is, if you do not want me!--I wish I could
stay with you!"
"Rather than ride home with him?"
"Yes, indeed, if it were to be of use to you!"
"The only way you can be of use to me, is to ride home with Mr. Day, and
not see him again until I have had a little talk with him. Tyranny may be
a sense of duty, you know, little one!"
"Tyranny, uncle!" I cried, as I laid my cheek to his hand, which was very
cold. "You could not make me think you a tyrant!"
"I should not like you to think me one, darling! Still less would I like
to deserve it, whether you thought me one or not! But I could not be a
tyrant to you if I would. You may defy me when you please."
"That would be to poison my own soul!" I answered.
"You must understand," he continued, "that I have no authority over you.
If you were going to marry Mr. Day to-morrow, I should have no right to
interfere. I am but a make-shift father to you, not a legal guardian."
"Don't cast me off, uncle!" I cried. "You know I belong to you as much
as if you were my very own father! I am sure my father will say so when
we see him. He will never come between you and me."
He gave a great sigh, and his face grew so intense that I felt as if I
had no right to look on it.
"It is one of the deepest hopes of my existence," he said, "to give you
back to him the best of daughters. Be good, my darling, be good, even if
you die of sorrow because of it."
The intensity had faded to a deep sadness, and there came a silence.
"Would you like me to go now, uncle?" I asked.
"I wish I could see Mr. Day at once," he returned, "but I am so far from
strong, that I fear both weakness and injustice. Tell him I want very
much to see him, and will let him know as soon as I am able."
"Thank you, uncle! He will be so glad! Of course he can't feel as I do,
but he does feel that to do anything you did not like, would be just
horrid."
"And you will not see him again, little one, after he has taken you home,
till I have had some talk with him?"
"Of course I will not, uncle."
I bade him good-bye, had a few moments' conference with Martha, and found
John at the place appointed.
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