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A WINTER IDYLL.
Lady Joan the same day wrote to her brother Borland, now Mergwain,
telling him what had taken place. But it must be some time before
she received his answer, for the post from England reached the
neighbouring city but intermittently, and was there altogether
arrested, so far as Howglen and Muir o' Warlock were concerned. The
laird told her she must have patience, and assured her that to them
her presence was welcome.
And now began for Cosmo an episode of enchantment, as wondrous as
any dream of tree-top, or summer wave city--for if it was not so
full of lighter marvel around, it had at the heart of it a deeper
marvel, namely a live and beautiful lady.
She was a girl of nearly eighteen, but looked older--shapely,
strong, and graceful. But both her life-consciousness and her
spirits--in some only do the words mean the same thing--had been
kept down by the family relations in which she found herself. Her
father loved her with what love was in him, and therefore was
jealous; trusted, and therefore enslaved her; could make her
useful, and therefore oppressed her. Since his health began to
decline he would go nowhere without her, though he spoke seldom a
pleasant, and often a very unpleasant word to her. He never praised
her to her face, but swore deeply to her excellence in ears that
cared little to hear of it. When at home she must always be within
his reach, if not within his call; but he was far from slow to
anger with her, and she dreaded his anger, not so much from love or
fear as from nicety, because of the ugly things he would say when
he was offended with her. One hears of ruling by love and ruling by
fear, but this man ruled by disgust. At home he lived much as we
have seen him in the house of another, cared for nobody's comfort
but his own, and was hard to keep in good humour--such good humour
as was possible to him. He paid no attention to business or
management: his estates had long been under trustees; lolled about
in his room, diverting himself with a horrible monkey which he
taught ugly tricks; drank almost constantly; and would throw dice
by himself for an hour together--doing what he could, which was
little, towards the poor object of killing Time. He kept a poor
larder but a rich cellar; almost always without money, he yet
contrived to hold his bins replenished, and that from the farther
end: he might have been expecting to live to a hundred and twenty
for of visitors he had none, except an occasional time-belated
companion of his youth, whom the faint, muddled memories of old
sins would bring to his door, when they would spend a day or two
together, soaking, and telling bad stories, at times hardly
restrained until Joan left the room--that is, if her brother was
not present, before whom her father was on his good behaviour.
The old man was in bad repute with the neighbours, and they never
called upon him--which they would have found it hard to justify,
seeing some who were not better were quite respectable. No doubt he
was the dilapidated old reprobate they counted him, but if he had
not made himself poor, they would have found his morals no business
of theirs. They pitied the daughter, or at least spoke pityingly of
her, but could not for her sake countenance the father! Neglecting
their duty towards her, they began to regard her with a blame which
was the shadow of their neglect, thinking of her as defiled in her
father's defilement. The creeping things--those which God hath not
yet cleansed--call the pure things unclean. But it was better to be
so judged than to run the risk of growing after the pattern of her
judges. I suspect the man who leads a dissolute, and the man who
leads a commonly selfish life, will land from the great jump pretty
nearly in the same spot. What if those who have despised each the
other's sins, are set down to stare at them together, until each
finds his own iniquity to be hateful.
Of the latter, the respectably selfish class, was Borland her
brother. He knew his presence a protection to his sister, yet gave
himself no trouble to look after her. As the apple of his eye would
he cherish the fluid in which he hoped to discover some secret
process of nature; but he was not his sister's keeper, and a drop
of mud more or less cast into her spirit was to him of no
consequence. Yet he would as soon have left a woman he wanted to
marry within reach of the miasms that now and then surrounded Joan,
as unwarned in the dark by the cage of a tiger.
At home, therefore, because of the poverty of the family, the
ill-repute of her father, and the pride and self-withdrawal of her
brother, she led a lonely life where everything around her was left
to run wild. The lawn was more of a meadow than a lawn, and the
park a mere pasture for cattle. The shrubbery was an impassable
tangle, and the flower garden a wilderness. She could do nothing to
set things right, and lived about the place like a poor relation.
At school, which she left at fifteen, she had learned nothing so as
to be of any vital use to her--possibly left it a little less
capable than she went. For some of her natural perceptions could
hardly fail to be blunted by the artificial, false, and selfish
judgments and regards which had there surrounded her. Without a
mother, without a companion, she had to find what solace, what
pastime she could. In the huge house there was not a piano fit to
play upon; and her only source of in-door amusement was a library
containing a large disproportion of books in old French bindings,
with much tarnished gilding on the backs. But a native purity of
soul kept her lovely, and capable of becoming lovelier.
[Illustration: COSMO AND LADY JOAN CLIMBING.]
The mystery of all mysteries is the upward tendency of so many
souls through so much that clogs and would defile their wings,
while so many others SEEM never even to look up. Then, having so
begun with the dust, how do these ever come to raise their eyes to
the hills? The keenest of us moral philosophers are but poor,
mole-eyed creatures! One day, I trust, we shall laugh at many a
difficulty that now seems insurmountable, but others will keep
rising behind them. Lady Joan did not like ugly things, and so
shrank from evil things. She was the less in danger from liberty,
because of the disgust which certain tones and words of her father
had repeatedly occasioned her. She learned self-defence early--and
alone, without even a dog to keep her company, and help her to the
laws of the world outside herself.
With none of the conventionalities of society, Lady Joan saw no
reason for making a difficulty when, the day after that on which
her father died, Cosmo proposed a walk in the snow. He saw her
properly provided for what seemed to her an adventure--with short
skirts, and stockings over her shoes--and they set out together, in
the brilliant light of a sun rapidly declining toward the western
horizon, though it had but just passed the low noon. The moment she
stepped from the threshold, Joan was invaded by an almost giddy
sense of freedom. The keen air and the impeding snow sent the warm
blood to her cheeks, and her heart beat as if new-born into a
better world. She was annoyed with herself, but in vain she called
herself heartless; in vain she accused herself of indifference to
the loss of her father, said to herself she was a worthless girl:
there was the sun in the sky--not warm, but dazzling-bright and
shining straight into her very being! while the air, instinct with
life, was filling her lungs like water drunk by a thirsty soul, and
making her heart beat like the heart of Eve when first she woke
alive, and felt what her Maker had willed! Life indeed was good! it
was a blessed thing for the eyes to behold the sun!--Let death do
what it can, there is just one thing it cannot destroy, and that is
life. Never in itself, only in the unfaith of man, does life
recognize any sway of death.--A fresh burst of healthy vigour
seemed born to answer each fresh effort. Over the torrent they
walked on a bridge of snow, and listening could hear, far down,
below the thick white blanket, the noise of its hidden rushing.
Away and up the hill they went; the hidden torrent of Joan's blood
flowed clearer; her heart sang to her soul; and everything began to
look like a thing in a story--herself a princess, and her attendant
a younger brother, travelling with her to meet the tide of
in-flowing lovely adventure. Such a brother was a luxury she had
never had--very different from an older one. He talked so strangely
too--now like a child, now like an old man! She felt a charm in
both, but understood neither. Capable, through confidence in his
father, of receiving wisdom far beyond what he could have thought
out for himself, he sometimes said things because he understood
them, which seemed to most who heard them beyond his years. Some
people only understand enough of a truth to reject it, but Cosmo's
reception by faith turned to sight, as all true faith does at last,
and formed a soil for thought more immediately his own.
They had been climbing a steep ascent, very difficult in the snow,
and had at length reached the top, where they stood for a moment
panting, with another ascent beyond them.
"Aren't you always wanting to climb and climb, Lady Joan?" said the
boy.
"Call me Joan, and I will answer you."
"Then, Joan,--how kind you are! Don't you always want to be getting
up?--up higher than you are?"
"No; I don't think I do."
"I believe you do, only you don't know it. When I get on the top of
yon hill there, it always seems to me such a little way up!--and
Mr. Simon tells me I should feel much the same, if it were the top
of the highest peak in the Himmalays."
Lady Joan did not reply, and Cosmo too was silent for a time.
"Don't you think," he began again, "though life is so very good--to
me especially with you here--you would get very tired if you
thought you had to live in this world always--for ever and ever and
ever, and never, never get out of it?"
"No, I don't," said Joan. "I can't say I find life so nice as you
think it, but one keeps hoping it may turn to something better."
She was amused with what she counted childish talk for a boy of his
years--so manly too beyond his years!
"That is very curious!" he returned. "Now I am quite happy; but
this moment I should feel just in a prison, if I thought I should
never get to another world; for what you can never get out of, is
your prison--isn't it?"
"Yes--but if you don't want to get out?"
"Ah, that is true! but as soon as that comes to a prisoner, it is a
sign that he is worn out, and has not life enough in him to look
the world in the face. I was talking about it the other day with
Mr. Simon, else I shouldn't have got it so plain. The blue roof so
high above us there, is indeed very different from the stone vault
of a prison, for there is no stop or end to it. But if you can
never get away from under it, never get off the floor at the bottom
of it, I feel as if it might almost as well be something solid that
held me in. There would be no promise in the stars then: they look
now like promises, don't they? I do not believe God would ever show
us a thing he did not mean to give us."
"You are a very odd boy, Cosmo. I am almost afraid to listen to
you. You say such presumptuous things!"
Cosmo laughed a little gentle laugh.
"How can you love God, Joan, and be afraid to speak before him? I
should no more dream of his being angry with me for thinking he
made me for great and glad things, and was altogether generous
towards me, than I could imagine my father angry with me for
wishing to be as wise and as good as he is, when I know it is wise
and good he most wants me to be."
"Ah, but he is your father, you know, and that is very different!"
"I know it is very different--God is so much, much more my father
than is the laird of Glenwarlock! He is so much more to me, and so
much nearer to me, though my father is the best father that ever
lived! God, you know, Joan, God is more than anybody knows what to
say about. Sometimes, when I am lying in my bed at night, my heart
swells and swells in me, that I hardly know how to bear it, with
the thought that here I am, come out of God, and yet not OUT of
him--close to the very life that said to everything BE, and it was!
--you think it strange that I talk so?"
"Rather, I must confess! I don't believe it can be a good thing at
your age to think so much about religion. There is a time for
everything. You talk like one of those good little children in
books that always die--at least I have heard of such books--I never
saw any of them."
Cosmo laughed again.
"Which of us is the merrier--you or me? Which of us is the
stronger, Joan? The moment I saw you, I thought you looked like one
that hadn't enough of something--as if you weren't happy; but if
you knew that the great beautiful person we call God, was always
near you, it would be impossible for you to go on being sad."
Joan gave a great sigh: her heart knew its own bitterness, and
there was little joy in it for a stranger to intermeddle with. But
she said to herself the boy would be a gray-haired man before he
was twenty, and began to imagine a mission to help him out of these
morbid fancies.
"You must surely understand, Cosmo," she said, "that, while we are
in this world, we must live as people of this world, not of
another."
"But you can't mean that the people of this world are banished from
Him who put them in it! He is all the same, in this world and in
every other. If anything makes us happy, it must make us much
happier to know it for a bit of frozen love--for the love that
gives is to the gift as water is to snow. Ah, you should hear our
torrent sing in summer, and shout in the spring! The thought of God
fills me so full of life that I want to go and do something for
everybody. I am never miserable. I don't think I shall be when my
father dies."
"Oh, Cosmo!--with such a good father as yours! I am shocked."
Her words struck a pang into her own heart, for she felt as if she
had compared his father and hers, over whom she was not miserable.
Cosmo turned, and looked at her. The sun was close upon the
horizon, and his level rays shone full on the face of the boy.
"Lady Joan," he said slowly, and with a tremble in his voice, "I
should just laugh with delight to have to die for my father. But if
he were taken from me now, I should be so proud of him, I should
have no room to be miserable. As God makes me glad though I cannot
see him, so my father would make me glad though I could not see
him. I cannot see him now, and yet I am glad because my father
IS--away down there in the old castle; and when he is gone from me,
I shall be glad still, for he will be SOMEWHERE all the same--with
God as he is now. We shall meet again one day, and run at each
other."
It was an odd phrase with which he ended, but Lady Joan did not
laugh.
The sun was down, and the cold, blue gray twilight came creeping
from the east. They turned and walked home, through a luminous
dusk. It would not be dark all night, though the moon did not rise
till late, for the snow gave out a ghostly radiance. Surely it must
be one of those substances that have the power of drinking and
hoarding the light of the sun, that with their memories of it they
may thin the darkness! I suspect everything does it more or less.
Far below were the lights of the castle, and across an unbroken
waste of whiteness the gleams of the village. The air was keen as
an essence of points and edges, and the thought of the kitchen fire
grew pleasant. Cosmo took Joan's hand, and down the hill they ran,
swiftly descending what they had toilsomely climbed.
As she ran, the thought that one of those lights was burning by the
body of her father, rebuked Joan afresh. She was not glad, and she
could not be sorry! If Cosmo's father were to die, Cosmo would be
both sorry and glad! But the boy turned his face, ever and again as
they ran, up to hers--she was a little taller than he--and his
every look comforted her. An attendant boy-angel he seemed, whose
business it was to rebuke and console her. If he were her brother,
she would be well content never more to leave the savage place! For
the strange old man in the red night-cap was such a gentleman! and
this odd boy, absolutely unnatural in his goodness, was
nevertheless charming! She did not yet know that goodness is the
only nature. She regarded it as a noble sort of disease--as
something at least which it was possible to have too much of. She
had not a suspicion that goodness and nothing else is life and
health--that what the universe demands of us is to be good boys and
girls.
To judge religion we must have it--not stare at it from the bottom
of a seeming interminable ladder. When she reached the door, she
felt as if waking out of a dream, in which she had been led along
strange paths by a curious angel. But not to himself was Cosmo like
an angel! For indeed he was a strong, viguorous, hopeful, trusting
boy of God's in this world, and would be just such a boy in the
next--one namely who did his work, and was ready for whatever was
meant to come.
When, from all that world of snow outside, Joan entered the kitchen
with its red heart of fire, she knew for a moment how a little bird
feels when creeping under the wing of his mother. Those old
Hebrews--what poets they were! Holy and homely and daring, they
delighted in the wings of the Almighty; but the Son of the Father
made the lovely image more homely still, likening himself to the
hen under whose wings the chickens would not creep for all her
crying and calling. Then first was Joan aware of simple confidence,
of safety and satisfaction and loss of care; for the old man in the
red nightcap would see to everything! Nought would go amiss where
he was at the head of affairs! And hardly was she seated when she
felt a new fold of his protection about her: he told her he had had
her room changed, that she might be near his mother and Grizzie,
and not have to go out to reach it.
Cosmo heard with delight that his father had given up his room to
Lady Joan, and would share his. To sleep with his father was one of
the greatest joys the world held for him. Such a sense of safety
and comfort--of hen's wings--was nowhere else to be had on the face
of the great world! It was the full type of conscious well-being,
of softness and warmth and peace in the heart of strength. His
father was to him a downy nest inside a stone-castle.
They all sat together round the kitchen fire. The laird fell into a
gentle monologue, in which, to Joan's thinking, he talked even more
strangely than Cosmo. Things born in the fire and the smoke, like
the song of the three holy children, issued from the furnace
clothed in softest moonlight. Joan said to herself it was plain
where the boy got his oddity; but what she called oddity was but
sense from a deeper source than she knew the existence of. He read
them also passages of the book then occupying him so much: Joan
wondered what attraction such a jumble of good words and no sense
could have for a man so capable in ordinary affairs. Then came
supper; and after that, for the first time in her life, Joan was
present when a man had the presumption to speak to his Maker direct
from his own heart, without the mediation of a book. This she found
odder than all the rest; she had never even heard of such a thing!
So peculiar, so unfathomable were his utterances, that it never
occurred to her the man might be meaning something; farther from
her still was the thought, that perhaps God liked to hear him, was
listening to him and understanding him, and would give him the
things he asked. She heard only an extraordinary gibberish,
supposed suitable to a religious observance--family prayers, she
thought it must be! She felt confused, troubled, ashamed--so
grievously out of her element that she never knew until they rose,
that the rest were kneeling while she sat staring into the fire.
Then she felt guilty and shy, but as nobody took any notice,
persuaded herself they had not observed. The unpleasantness of all
this, however, did not prevent her from saying to herself as she
went to bed, "Oh, how delightful it would be to live in a house
where everybody understood, and loved, and thought about everybody
else!" She did not know that she was wishing for nothing more, and
something a little less, than the kingdom of heaven--the very thing
she thought the laird and Cosmo so strange for troubling their
heads about. If men's wishes are not always for what the kingdom of
heaven would bring them, their miseries at least are all for the
lack of that kingdom.
That night Joan dreamed herself in a desert island, where she had
to go through great hardships, but where everybody was good to
everybody, and never thought of taking care except of each other;
and that, when a beautiful ship came to carry her away, she cried,
and would not go.
Three weeks of all kinds of weather, except warm, followed, ending
with torrents of rain, and a rapid thaw; but before that time Joan
had got as careless of the weather as Cosmo, and nothing delighted
her more than to encounter any sort of it with him. Nothing kept
her in-doors, and as she always attended to Grizzie's injunctions
the moment she returned, she took no harm, and grew much stronger.
It is not encountering the weather that is dangerous, but
encountering it when the strength is not equal to the encounter.
These two would come in wet from head to foot, change their
clothes, have a good meal, sleep well, and wake in the morning
without the least cold. They would spend the hours between
breakfast and dinner ascending the bank of a hill-stream, dammed by
the snow, swollen by the thaw, and now rushing with a roar to the
valley; or fighting their way through wind and sleet to the top of
some wild expanse of hill-moorland, houseless for miles and
miles--waste bog, and dry stony soil, as far as eye could reach,
with here and there a solitary stock or bush, bending low to the
ground in the steady bitter wind--a hopeless region, save that it
made the hope in their hearts glow the redder; or climbing a gully,
deep-worn by the few wheels of a month but the many of centuries,
and more by the torrents that rushed always down its trench when it
rained heavily, or thawed after snow--hearing the wind sweep across
it above their heads, but feeling no breath of its pres--ence, till
emerging suddenly upon its plane, they had to struggle with it for
very foot-hold upon the round earth. In such contests Lady Joan
delighted. It was so nice, she said, to have a downright good
fight, and nobody out of temper! She would come home from the windy
war with her face glowing, her eyes flashing, her hair challenging
storm from every point of the compass, and her heart merry with
very peacefulness. Her only thoughts of trouble were, that her
father's body lay unburied, and that Borland would come and take
her away.
When the thaw came at last, the laird had the coffin brought again
into the guest-chamber, and there placed on trestles, to wait the
coming of the new Lord Mergwain.
Outstripping the letter that announced his departure, he arrived at
length, and with him his man of business. Lady Joan's heart gave a
small beat of pleasure at sight of him, then lay quiet, sad, and
apprehensive: the cold proper salute he gave her seemed, after the
life she had of late been living, to belong rather to some sunless
world than the realms of humanity. He uttered one commonplace
concerning his father's death, and never alluded to it again;
behaved in a dignified, recognizant manner to the laird, as to an
inferior to whom he was under more obligation than he saw how to
wipe out; and, after the snub with which he met the boy's friendly
approach, took no farther notice of Cosmo. Seated three minutes, he
began to require the laird's assistance towards the removal of the
body; could not be prevailed upon to accept refreshment; had a
messenger dispatched instantly to procure the nearest hearse and
four horses; and that same afternoon started for England, following
the body, and taking his sister with him.
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