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DREAMS.
The gloamin' came down much sooner in Grannie's cottage than on the
sides of the eastward hills, but the old woman made up her little
fire, and it glowed a bright heart to the shadowy place. Though the
room was always dusky, it was never at this season quite dark any
time of the night. It was not absolutely needful, except for the
little cooking required by the invalid--for as such, in her pride
of being his nurse, Grannie regarded him--but she welcomed the
excuse for a little extra warmth to her old limbs during the night
watches. Then she sat down in her great chair, and all was still.
"What for arena ye spinnin', Grannie?" said Cosmo. "I like fine to
hear the wheel singin' like a muckle flee upo' the winnock. It
spins i' my heid lang lingles o' thouchts, an' dreams, an'
wad-be's. Neist to hearin' yersel' tell a tale, I like to hear yer
wheel gauin'. It has a w'y o' 'ts ain wi' me!"
"I was feart it micht vex ye wi' the soomin' o' 't," answered
Grannie, and as she spoke she rose, and lighted her little lamp,
though she scarcely needed light for her spinning, and sat down to
her wheel.
For a long unweary time Cosmo lay and listened, an aerial Amphion,
building castles in the air to its music, which was so monotonous
that, like the drone of the bag-pipes, he could use it for
accompaniment to any dream-time of his own.
When a man comes to trust in God thoroughly, he shrinks from
castle-building, lest his faintest fancy should run counter to that
loveliest Will; but a boy's dreams are nevertheless a part of his
education. And the true heart will not leave the blessed conscience
out, even in its dreams.
Those of Cosmo were mostly of a lovely woman, much older than
himself, who was kind to him, and whom he obeyed and was ready to
serve like a slave. These came, of course, first of all, from the
heart that needed and delighted in the thought of a mother, but
they were bodied out from the memory, faint, far-off, and dim, of
his own mother, and the imaginations of her roused by his father's
many talks with him concerning her. He dreamed now of one, now of
another beneficent power, of the fire, the air, the earth, or the
water--each of them a gracious woman, who favoured, helped, and
protected him, through dangers and trials innumerable. Such
imaginings may be--nay must be unhealthy for those who will not
attempt the right in the face of loss and pain and shame; but to
those who labour in the direction of their own ideal, dreams will
do no hurt, but foster rather the ideal.
When at length the spinning-wheel ceased with its hum, the silence
was to Cosmo like the silence after a song, and his thoughts
refused to do their humming alone. The same moment he fell--from a
wondrous region where he dwelt with sylphs in a great palace, built
on the tree-tops of a forest ages old; where the buxom air bathed
every limb, and was to his ethereal body as water--sensible as a
liquid; whose every room rocked like the baby's cradle of the
nursery rime, but equilibrium was the merest motion of the will;
where the birds nested in its cellars, and the squirrels ran up and
down its stairs, and the woodpeckers pulled themselves along its
columns and rails by their beaks; where the winds swung the whole
city with a rhythmic roll, and the sway as of tempest waves,
music-ruled to ordered cadences; where, far below, lower than the
cellars, the deer, and the mice, and the dormice, and the foxes,
and all the wild things of the forest, ran in its caves--from this
high city of the sylphs, watched and loved and taught by the most
gracious and graceful and tenderly ethereal and powerful of beings,
he fell supine into Grannie's box-bed, with the departed hum of her
wheel spinning out its last thread of sound in his disappointed
brain.
In after years when he remembered the enchanting dreams of his
boyhood, instead of sighing after them as something gone for ever,
he would say to himself, "what matter they are gone? In the
heavenly kingdom my own mother is waiting me, fairer and stronger
and real. I imagined the elves; God imagined my mother."
The unconscious magician of the whole mystery, who had seemed to
the boy to be spinning his very brain into dreams, rose, and,
drawing near the bed, as if to finish the ruthless destruction, and
with her long witch-broom sweep down the very cobwebs of his airy
phantasy, said,
"Is ye waukin', Cosmo my bairn?"
"Ay am I," answered Cosmo, with a faint pang, and a strange sense
of loss: when should he dream its like again!
"Soon, soon, Cosmo," he might have heard, could he have interpreted
the telephonic signals from the depths of his own being; "wherever
the creative pneuma can enter, there it enters, and no door stands
so wide to it as that of the obedient heart."
"Weel, ye maun hae yer supper, an' syne ye maun say yer prayers,
an' hae dune wi' Tyseday, an' gang on til' Wudens-day."
"I'm nae wantin' ony supper, thank ye," said the boy.
"Ye maun hae something, my bonny man; for them 'at aits ower
little, as weel's them 'at aits ower muckle, the night-mear
rides--an' she's a fearsome horse. Ye can never win upo' the back
o' her, for as guid a rider as ye're weel kent to be, my bairn. Sae
wull ye hae a drappy parritch an' ream? or wad ye prefar a sup of
fine gruel, sic as yer mother used to like weel frae my han', whan
it sae happent I was i' the hoose?" The offer seemed to the boy to
bring him a little nearer the mother whose memory he worshipped,
and on the point of saying, for the sake of saving her trouble,
that he would have the porridge, he chose the gruel.
He watched from his nest the whole process of its making. It took a
time of its own, for one of the secrets of good gruel is a long
acquaintance with the fire.--Many a time the picture of that room
returned to him in far different circumstances, like a dream of
quiet and self-sustained delight--though his one companion was an
aged woman.
When he had taken it, he fell asleep once more, and when he woke
again, it was in the middle of the night. The lamp was nearly
burned out: it had a long, red, disreputable nose, that spoke of
midnight hours and exhausted oil. The old lady was dozing in her
chair. The clock had just struck something, for the sound of its
bell was yet faintly pulsing in the air. He sat up, and looked out
into the room. Something seemed upon him--he could not tell what.
He felt as if something had been going on besides the striking of
the clock, and were not yet over--as if something was even now
being done in the room. But there the old woman slept, motionless,
and apparently in perfect calm! It could not, however, have been
perfect as it seemed, for presently she began to talk. At first
came only broken sentences, occasionally with a long pause; and
just as he had concluded she would say nothing more, she would
begin again. There was something awful to the fancy of the youth in
the issuing of words from the lips of one apparently unconscious of
surrounding things; her voice was like the voice of one speaking
from another world. Cosmo was a brave boy where duty was concerned,
but conscience and imagination were each able to make him tremble.
To tremble, and to turn the back, are, however, very different
things: of the latter, the thing deserving to be called cowardice,
Cosmo knew nothing; his hair began to rise upon his head, but that
head he never hid beneath the bed-clothes. He sat and stared into
the gloom, where the old woman lay in her huge chair, muttering at
irregular intervals.
Presently she began to talk a little more continuously. And now
also Cosmo's heart had got a little quieter, and no longer making
such a noise in his ears, allowed him to hear better. After a few
words seemingly unconnected, though probably with a perfect
dependence of their own, she began to murmur something that sounded
like verses. Cosmo soon perceived that she was saying the same
thing over and over, and at length he had not only made out every
word of the few lines, but was able to remember them. This was what
he afterwards recalled--by that time uncertain whether the whole
thing had not been a dream:
Catch yer naig an' pu' his tail: In his hin' heel ca' a nail; Rug
his lugs frae ane anither--Stan' up, an' ca' the king yer brither.
When first he repeated them entire to himself, the old woman still
muttering them, he could not help laughing, and the noise, though
repressed, yet roused her. She woke, not, like most young people,
with slow gradation of consciousness, but all at once was wide
awake. She sat up in her chair.
"Was I snorin', laddie,'at ye leuch?" she asked, in a tone of
slight offence.
"Eh, na!" replied Cosmo. "It was only 'at ye was sayin' something
rale funny--i' yer sleep, ye ken--a queer jingle o' poetry it was."
Therewith he repeated the rime, and Grannie burst into a merry
laugh--which however sobered rather suddenly.
"I dinna won'er I was sayin' ower thae fule words," she said, "for
'deed I was dreamin' o' the only ane I ever h'ard say them, an'
that was whan I was a lass--maybe aboot thirty. Onybody nicht hae
h'ard him sayin' them--ower and ower til himsel', as gien he cudna
weary o' them, but naebody but mysel' seemed to hae ta'en ony
notice o' the same. I used whiles to won'er whether he fully
un'erstude what he was sayin'--but troth! hoo cud there be ony
sense in sic havers?"
"Was there ony mair o' the ballant?" asked Cosmo.
"Gien there was mair; I h'ard na't," replied Grannie. "An' weel I
wat! he was na ane to sing, the auld captain.--Did ye never hear
tell o' 'im, laddie?"
"Gien ye mean the auld brither o' the laird o' that time, him 'at
cam hame frae his sea-farin' to the East Indies--"
"Ay, ay; that's him! Ye hae h'ard tell o' 'im! He hed a ship o' 's
ain, an' made mony a voyage afore ony o' 's was born, an' was an
auld man whan at len'th hame cam he, as the sang says--ower auld to
haud by the sea ony more. I'll never forget the lulk o' the man
whan first I saw him, nor the hurry an' the scurry, the rinnin'
here, an' the routin' there,'at there was whan the face o' 'm came
in at the gett! Ye see they a' thoucht he was hame wi' a walth
ayout figures--stowed awa' somewhaur--naebody kent whaur. Eh, but
he was no a bonny man, an' fowk said he dee'd na a fairstrae deith:
hoo that may be, I dinna weel ken: there WAR unco things aboot the
affair--things 'at winna weel bide speykin' o'. Ae thing's certain,
an' that is,'at the place has never thriven sin syne. But, for that
maitter, it hedna thriven for mony a lang afore. An' there was a
fowth o' awfu' stories reengin' the country, like ghaists 'at
naebody cud get a grip o'--as to hoo he had gotten the said siller,
an' sic like--the siller 'at naebody ever saw; for upo' that
siller, as I tell ye, naebody ever cuist an e'e. Some said he had
been a pirate upo' the hie seas, an' had ta'en the siller in lumps
o' gowd frae puir ships 'at hadna men eneuch to hand the grip o'
't; some said he had been a privateer; an' ither some said there
was sma' differ atween the twa. An' some wad hae't he was ane o'
them 'at tuik an' sauld the puir black fowk,'at cudna help bein'
black, for as ootlandish as it maun luik--I never saw nane o' the
nation mysel'--ony mair nor a corbie can help his feathers no bein'
like a doo's; an' gien they turnt black for ony deevilry o' them
'at was their forbeirs, I kenna an' it maks naething to me or mine,
--I wad fain an' far raither du them a guid turn nor tak an' sell
them; for gien their parents had sinned, the mair war they to be
pitied. But as I was sayin', naebody kent hoo he had gethert his
siller, the mair by token 'at maybe there was nane, for naebody, as
I was tellin' ye, ever had the sma'est glimp o' siller aboot 'im.
For a close-loofed near kin o' man he was, gien ever ony! Aye ready
was he to borrow a shillin' frae ony fule 'at wad len' him ane, an'
lang had him 'at len't it forgotten to luik for 't, er' he thoucht
o' peyin' the same. It was mair nor ae year or twa 'at he leeved
aboot the place, an' naebody cared muckle for his company, though
a' body was ower feart to lat him ken he was na welcome here or
there; for wha cud tell he micht oot wi' the swoord he aye carriet,
an' mak an' en' o' 'im! For 'deed he fearna God nor man, ony mair
nor the jeedge i' the Scriptur'. He drank a heap--as for a' body at
he ca'd upo' aye hed oot the whisky-bottle well willun' to please
the man they war feart at."
The voice of the old woman went sounding in the ears of the boy, on
and on in the gloom, and through it, possibly from the still
confused condition of his head, he kept constantly hearing the
rimes she had repeated to him. They seemed to have laid hold of him
as of her, perhaps from their very foolishness, in an odd
inexplicable way:--
Catch yer naig an' pu' his tail; In his hin' heel ca' a nail;
Rughis lugs frae ane anither--Stan' up, an' ca' the king yer
brither.
On and on went the rime, and on and on went the old woman's voice.
"Weel, there cam' a time whan an English lord begud to be seen
aboot the place, an' that was nae comon sicht i' oor puir country.
He was a frien' fowk said, o' the yoong Markis o' Lossie, an' that
was hoo 'he cam to sicht. He gaed fleein' aboot, luikin' at this,
an' luikin' at that; an' whaur or hoo he fell in wi' HIM, I dinna
ken, but or lang the twa o' them was a heap thegither. They playt
cairts thegither, they drank thegither, they drave oot
thegither--for the auld captain never crossed beast's back--an'
what made sic frien's o' them nobody could imaigine. For the tane
was a rouch sailor chield, an' the tither was a yoong lad, little
mair, an' a fine gentleman as weel's a bonny man. But the upshot o'
't a' was an ill ane; for, efter maybe aboot a month or sae o' sic
friendship as was atween them, there cam a nicht 'at brouchtna the
captain hame; for ye maun un'erstan', wi' a' his rouch w'ys, an'
his drinkin', an' his cairt-playin', he was aye hame at nicht, an'
safe intil's bed, whaur he sleepit i' the best chaumer i' the
castle. Ay, he wad come hame, aften as drunk as man cud be, but
hame he cam. Sleep intil the efternune o' the neist day he wad, but
never oot o' 's nain bed--or if no aye in his ain nakit BED, for I
fan' him ance mysel' lyin' snorin' upo' the flure, it was aye intil
's ain room, as I say, an' no in ony strange place drunk or sober.
Sae there was some surprise at his no appearin', an' fowk spak o'
't, but no that muckle, for naebody cared i' their hert what cam o'
the man. Still whan the men gaed oot to their wark, they bude to
gie a luik gien there was ony sign o' 'm. It was easy to think 'at
he micht hae been at last ower sair owertaen to be able to win
hame. But that wasna it, though whan they cam upo' 'm lyin' on's
back i' the howe you'er 'at luiks up to my daughter's bit gerse for
her coo', they thoucht he bude to hae sleepit there a' nicht. Sae
he had, but it was the sleep 'at kens no waukin--at least no the
kin' o' waukin' 'at comes wi' the mornin'!"
Cosmo recognized with a shudder his favourite spot, where on his
birthday, as on many a day before, he had fallen asleep. But the
old woman went on with her story.
"Deid was the auld captain--as deid as ever was man 'at had nane
left to greit for him. But thof there was nae greitin', no but sic
a hullabaloo as rase upo' the discovery! They rade an' they ran;
the doctor cam', an' the minister, an' the lawyer, an' the
grave-digger. But whan a man's deid, what can a' the warl' du for
'im but berry 'im? puir hin'er en' thof it be to him' at draws
himsel' up, an' blaws himsel' oot! There was mony a conjectur as to
hoo he cam by his deith, an' mony a doobt it wasna by fair play.
Some said he dee'd by his ain han', driven on til't by the enemy;
an' it was true the blade he cairriet was lyin' upo' the grass
aside 'im; but ither some 'at exem't him, said the hole i' the side
o' 'im was na made wi' that. But o' a' 'at cam to speir efter 'im,
the English lord was nane. He hed vainished the country. The
general opinyon sattled doon to this,'at they twa bude till hae
fa'en oot at cairts, an' fouchten it oot, an' the auld captain, for
a' his skeel an' exparience, had had the warst o' 't, an' so there
they faun' 'im.--But I reckon, Cosmo, yer father 'ill hae tellt ye
a' aboot the thing, mony's the time, or noo, an' I'm jist deivin'
ye wi' my clavers, an haudin 'ye ohn sleepit!"
"Na, Grannie," answered Cosmo, "he never tellt me what ye hae tellt
me noo. He did tell me 'at there was sic a man, an' the ill en' he
cam til; an' I think he was jist gaein' on to tell me mair, whan
Grizzie cam to say the denner was ready. That was only
yesterday--or the day afore, I'm thinkin', by this time.--But what
think ye could hae been in's held wi' yon jingle aboot the horsie?"
"Ow! what wad be intil't but jist fulish nonsense? Ye ken some fowk
has a queer trick o' sayin' the same thing ower an' ower again to
themsel's, wi'oot ony sense intil't. There was the auld laird
himsel'; he was ane o' sic. Aye an' ower again he wad be sayin' til
himsel','A hun'er poun'! Ay, a hun'er poun'!' It maittered na what
he wad be speikin' aboot, or wha til, in it wad come!--i' the
middle o' onything, ye cudna tell whan or whaur,--'A hun'er poun'!'
says he;'Ay, a hun'er poun'!' Fowk leuch at the first, but sune gat
used til't, an' cam hardly to ken 'at he said it, for what has nae
sense has little hearin'. An' I doobtna thae rimes wasna even a
verse o' an auld ballant, but jist a cletter o' clinkin' styte
(nonsense),'at he had learnt frae some blackamore bairn, maybe, an'
cudna get oot o' 's heid ony ither gait, but bude to say't to hae dune
wi' 't--jist like a cat whan it gangs scrattin' at the door, ye hae to
get up, whether ye wull or no, an' lat the cratur oot."
Cosmo did not feel quite satisfied with the explanation, but he
made no objection to it.
"I maun alloo, hooever," the old woman went on, "'at ance ye get a
haud o' THEM, they tak a grip o' YOU, an' hae a queer w'y o'
hauntin' ye like, as they did the man himsel', sae 'at ye canna yet
rid o' them. It comes only at noos an' thans, but whan the fit's
upo' me, I canna get them oot o' my heid. The verse gangs on
tum'lin' ower an' ower intil 't, till I'm jist scunnert wi' 't.
Awa' it wanna gang, maybe for a haill day, an' syne it mayna come
again for months."
True enough, the rime was already running about in Cosmo's head
like a mouse, and he fell asleep with it ringing in the ears of his
mind.
Before he woke again, which was in the broad daylight, he had a
curious dream.
He dreamed that he was out in the moonlight. It was a summer
night--late. But there was something very strange about the night:
right up in the top of it was the moon, looking down as if she knew
all about it, and something was going to happen. He did not like
the look of her--he had never seen her look like that before! and
he went home just to get away from her. As he was going up the
stairs to his chamber, something moved him--he could not tell
what--to stop at the door of the drawing-room, and go in. It was
flooded with moonlight, but he did not mind that, so long as he
could keep out of her sight. Still it had a strange, eerie look,
with its various pieces of furniture casting different shadows from
those that by rights belonged to them. He gazed at this thing and
that, as if he had never seen it before. The place seemed to cast a
spell over him, so that he could not leave it. He seated himself on
the ancient brocaded couch, and sat staring, with a sense, which by
degrees grew dreadful, that he was where he would not be, and that
if he did not get up and go, something would happen. But he could
not rise--not that he felt any physical impediment, but that he
could not make a resolve strong enough--like one in irksome
company, who wants to leave, but waits in vain a fit opportunity.
Delay grew to agony, but still he sat.
He became aware that he was not alone. His whole skin seemed to
contract with a shuddering sense of presence. Gradually, as he
gazed straight in front of him, slowly, in the chair on the
opposite side of the fire-place, grew visible the form of a man,
until he saw it quite plainly--that of a seafaring man, in a blue
coat, with a red sash round his waist, in which were pistols, and a
dagger. He too sat motionless, fixing on him the stare of fierce
eyes, black, yet glowing, as if set on fire of hell. They filled
him with fear, but something seemed to sustain him under it. He
almost fancied, when first on waking he thought over it, that a
third must have been in the room--for his protection. The face that
stared at him was a brown and red and weather--beaten face, cut
across with a great scar, and wearing an expression of horror
trying not to look horrible. His fear threatened to turn him into
clay, but he met it with scorn, strove against it, would not and
did not yield. Still the figure stared, as if it would fascinate
him into limpest submission. Slowly at length it rose, and with a
look that seemed meant to rivet the foregone stare--a look of
mingled pain and fierceness, turned, and led the way from the room,
whereupon the spell was so far broken or changed, that he was able
to rise and follow him: even in his dreams he was a boy of courage,
and feared nothing so much as yielding to fear. The figure went on,
nor ever turned its head, up the stair to the room over that they
had left--the best bedroom, the guest-chamber of the house--not
often visited, and there it entered. Still following, Cosmo entered
also. The figure walked across the room, as if making for the bed,
but in the middle of the floor suddenly turned, and went round by
the foot of the bed to the other side of it, where the curtains hid
it. Cosmo followed, but when he reached the other side, the shade
was nowhere to be seen, and he woke, his heart beating terribly.
By this time Grannie was snoring in her chair, or very likely, in
his desire to emerge from its atmosphere, he would have told her
his dream. For a while he lay looking at the dying fire, and the
streak from the setting moon, that stole in at the window, and lay
weary at the foot of the wall. Slowly he fell fast asleep, and
slept far into the morning: long after lessons were begun in the
school, and village-affairs were in the full swing of their daily
routine, he slept; nor had he finished his breakfast, when his
father entered.
"I'm quite well, papa," answered the boy to his gentle yet eager
inquiry;--"perfectly able to go to school in the afternoon."
"I don't mean you to go again, Cosmo," replied his father gravely.
"It could not be pleasant either for yourself or for the master.
The proper relation between you is destroyed."
[Illustration: COSMO'S DREAM.]
"If you think I was wrong, papa, I will make an apology."
"If you had done it for yourself, I should unhesitatingly say you
must. But as it was, I am not prepared to say so."
"What am I to do then? How am I to get ready for college?"
The laird gave a sigh, and made no answer. Alas! there were more
difficulties than that in the path to college.
He turned away, and went to call on the minister, while Cosmo got
up and dressed: except a little singing in his head when he
stooped, he was aware of no consequences of the double blow.
Grannie was again at her wheel, and Cosmo sat down in her chair to
await his father's return.
"Whaur said ye the captain sleepit whan he was at the castle?" he
inquired across the buzz and whiz and hum of the wheel. Through the
low window, betwixt the leaves of the many plants that shaded it,
he could see the sun shining hot upon the bare street; but inside
was soft gloom filled with murmurous sound.
"Whaur but i' the best bedroom?" answered Grannie. "Naething less
wad hae pleased HIM, I can assure ye. For ance 'at there cam the
markis to the hoose--whan things warna freely sae scant aboot the
place as they hae been sin' yer father cam to the throne--there cam
at his back a fearsome storm, sic as comes but seldom in a life
lang as mine, an' sic 'at his lordship cudna win awa'. Thereupon
yer father, that is, yer gran'father,--or it wad be yer
grit-gran'father--I'm turnin' some confused amo' ye: ye aye keep
comin'!--onyhoo, he gae the captain a kent like,'at he wad du weel
to offer his room til's lordship. But wad he, think ye? Na, no him!
He grew reid, an' syne as white's the aisse, an' luikit to be i'
the awfu'est inside rage 'at mortal wessel cud weel hand. Sae yer
gran'father, no 'at he was feart at 'im, for Is' be bun' he never
was feart afore the face o' man, but jest no wullin' to anger his
ain kin, an' maybe no willin' onybody sud say he was a respecter o'
persons, heeld his tongue an' said nae mair, an' the markis hed the
second best bed, for he sleepit in Glenwarlock's ain."
Cosmo then told her the dream he had had in the night, describing
the person he had seen in it as closely as he could. Now all the
time Grannie had been speaking, it was to the accompaniment of her
wheel, but Cosmo had not got far with his narrative when she ceased
spinning, and sat absorbed--listening as to a real occurrence, not
the feverish dream of a boy. When he ended,
"It maun hae been the auld captain himself!" she said under her
breath, and with a sigh; then shut up her mouth, and remained
silent, leaving Cosmo in doubt whether it was that she would take
no interest in such a foolish thing, or found in it something to
set her thinking; but he could not help noting that there seemed a
strangeness about her silence; nor did she break it until his
father returned.
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