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HOME AGAIN.
Early the next day, while the sun was yet casting huge diagonal
shadows across the wide street, Cosmo climbed to the roof of the
Defiance coach, his heart swelling at the thought of being so soon
in his father's arms. It was a lovely summer morning, cool and
dewy, fit for any Sunday--whence the eyes and mind of Cosmo turned
to the remnants of night that banded the street, and from them he
sank into metaphysics, chequered with the champing clank of the
bits, the voices of the ostlers, passengers, and guard, and the
perpendicular silence of the coachman, who sat like a statue in
front of him.
How dark were the shadows the sun was casting!
Absurd! the sun casts no shadows--only light.
How so? Were the sun not shining, would there be one single shadow?
Yes; there would be just one single shadow; all would be shadow.
There would be none of those things we call shadows.
True; all would be shade; there would be no shadows.
By such a little stair was Cosmo landed at a door of deep question.
For now EVIL took the place of SHADOW in his SOLO disputation, and
the law and the light and the shadow and the sin went thinking
about with each other in his mind; and he saw how the Jews came to
attribute evil to the hand of God as well as good, and how St. Paul
said that the law gave life to sin--as by the sun is the shadow. He
saw too that in the spiritual world we need a live sun strong
enough to burn up all the shadows by shining through the things
that cast them, and compelling their transparency--and that sun is
the God who is light, and in whom is no darkness at all--which
truth is the gospel according to St. John. And where there is no
longer anything covered or hid, could sin live at all? These and
such like thoughts held him long--till the noisy streets of the
granite city lay far behind.
Swiftly the road flew from under the sixteen flashing shoes of the
thorough-breds that bore him along. The light and hope and strength
of the new-born day were stirring, mounting, swelling--even in the
heart of the sad lover; in every HONEST heart more or less, whether
young or old, feeble or strong, the new summer day stirs, and will
stir while the sun has heat enough for men to live on the earth.
Surely the live God is not absent from the symbol of his glory! The
light and the hope are not there without him! When strength wakes
in my heart, shall I be the slave to imagine it comes only as the
sap rises in the stem of the reviving plant, or the mercury in the
tube of the thermometer? that there is no essential life within my
conscious life, no spirit within my spirit? If my origin be not
life, I am the poorest of slaves!
Cosmo had changed since first he sat behind such horses, on his way
to the university; it was the change of growth, but he felt it like
that of decay--as if he had been young then and was old now. Little
could he yet imagine what age means! Devout youth as he was, he
little understood how much more than he his father felt his
dependence on, that is his strength in God. Many years had yet to
pass ere he should feel the splendour of an existence rooted in
changeless Life ripening through the growing weakness of the body!
It is the strength of God that informs every muscle and arture of
the youth, but it is so much his own--looks so natural to him--as
it well may, being God's idea for him--that, in the glory of its
possession, he does not feel it AS the presence of the making God.
But when weakness begins to show itself,--a shadow-back-ground,
against which the strength is known and outlined--when every
movement begins to demand a distinct effort of the will, and the
earthly house presses, a conscious weight, not upon its own parts
only, but upon the spirit within, then indeed must a man HAVE God,
believe in him with an entireness independent of feeling, and going
beyond all theory, or be devoured by despair. In the growing
feebleness of old age, a man may well come to accept life only
because it is the will of God; but the weakness of such a man is
the matrix of a divine strength, whence a gladness unspeakable
shall ere long be born--the life which it is God's intent to share
with his children.
Cosmo was on the way to know all this, but now his trouble sat
sometimes heavy upon him. Indeed the young straight back, if it
feels the weight less, feels the irksomeness of the burden more
than the old bowed one. With strength goes the wild love of
movement, and the cross that prevents the free play of a single
muscle is felt grievous as the fetter that chains a man to the oar.
But this day--and what man has to do with yesterday or tomorrow?
--the sun shone as if he knew nothing, or as if he knew all, and
knew it to be well; and Cosmo was going home, and the love of his
father was a deep gladness, even in the presence of love's lack.
Seldom is it so, but between the true father, and true son it
always will be so.
When he came within a mile of Muir of Warlock, he left the coach,
and would walk the rest of the way. He desired to enjoy, in gentle,
unruffled flow, the thoughts that like swallows kept coming and
going between him and his nest as he approached it. Everything, the
commonest, that met him as he went, had a strange beauty, as if,
although he had known it so long, now first was its innermost
revealed by some polarized light from source unseen. How small and
poor the cottages looked--but how home-like! and how sweet the
smoke of their chimneys! How cold they must be in winter--but how
warm were the hearts inside them! There was Jean Elder's Sunday
linen spread like snow on her gooseberry bushes; there was the
shoemaker's cow eating her hardest, as if she would devour the very
turf that made a border to the road--held from the corn on the
other side of the low fence by a strong chain in the hand of a
child of seven; and there was the first dahlia of the season in
Jonathan Japp's garden! As he entered the village, the road, which
was at once its street and the queen's highway, was empty of life
save for one half--grown pig--"prospecting," a hen or two picking
about, and several cats that lay in the sun. "There must be some
redemption for the feline races," thought Cosmo, "when the cats
have learned so much to love the sun!--But, alas! it is only his
heat, not his light they love!" He looked neither on this side nor
that as he walked, for he was in no mood for the delay of converse,
but he wondered nevertheless that he saw nobody. It was the general
dinner hour, true, but that would scarcely account for the deserted
look of the street! Any passing stranger was usually enough to
bring people to their doors--their windows not being of much use
for looking out of! Sheltered behind rose-trees or geraniums or
hydrangeas, however, not a few of whom he saw nothing were peering
at him out of those windows as he passed.
The villagers had learned from some one on the coach that the young
laird was coming. But, strange to say, a feeling had got abroad
amongst them to his prejudice. They had looked to hear great things
of their favourite, but he had not made the success they expected,
and from their disappointment they imagined his blame. It troubled
them to think of the old man, whom they all honoured, sending his
son to college on the golden horse, whose history had ever since
been the cherished romance of the place, and after all getting no
good of him! so when they saw him coming along, dusty and
shabby--not so well dressed indeed as would have contented one of
themselves on a Sunday, they drew back from their peep--holes with
a sigh, let him pass, and then looked again.
Nothing of all this however did Cosmo suspect, but held on his way
unconscious of the regards that pursued him as a prodigal returning
the less satisfactorily that he had not been guilty enough to
repent.
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